JEWS

Two Jews walk into Canter’s Deli. “Oy, God,” the fat one says, “I’m so stuffed. My pants are too tight - I can’t eat a thing.”

Overhearing the remark, the hostess steps up and says, “Darling, come. Sit. You’ll get some bigger pants. Have a lox ‘n bagel, some matzohbrie, a piece of cream pie . . . you’ll feel much better.” She turns on one spiked heel, “Gimme a set-up on 23,” she yells, just a skosh too loud.

Mayor Villaraigosa walks into a City Council meeting. “Aeee, carummba!” he says, “The freeways are so crowded. They’re too small. We can’t get one more car on the road.”

Councilman Weiss looks up from the coyote infestation report he’s been pretending to read and says, “El heffe! Don’t worry. We’ll build more carpool lanes. We’ll build more freeways. You’ll feel much better. There’s always room for more cars, dude!”

What a country! How can anything be wrong in a place where two men from such totally divergent ethnicities and cultures can be equally dumb. The fat man, of course, doesn’t need bigger pants, he needs a smaller appetite. The mayor doesn’t need more freeway space, he needs fewer cars. What he really needs is a public transportation system aimed at the entire public, not just those who are too old, too young, too disabled, or too poor to drive.

Still, what a country!

a foot on either side

Bart Braverman