FLIGHT PLANS

We flew to Chicago over the holiday. Upon return, our 757 descended from 5,000 feet, completed its sweeping right turn and began a final approach to LAX. As the downtown skyline slid by on the right side of the plane, I noticed patches of bright purple in all the neighborhoods of the city. The Jacaranda trees are in bloom again. As it turns out, that was the best part of either flight.

The airline industry has taken a romantic, adventurous mode of travel and turned it into a pedestrian, uncomfortable (and I strongly suspect unsafe) means of getting from here to there. If they had their way, I have no doubt they would sedate passengers in the terminal, pack ‘em in boxes and ship ‘em to their destinations alongside their luggage.

We parked at Wally Park on the way out of L. A., a fairly convenient, long-term parking facility, which then shuttled us to the United terminal. We waited twenty minute at the curb for the privilege of pre-checking out bags at a relatively painless $2 per bag. Stepping inside, the second line was a bit longer. After twenty-five minutes or so, we showed our boarding passes – printed at home in advance – and ID to a security guard who yawned and directed us to the third line. It was now eight a.m. – our flight left at ten.

As we approached the third line the room-temperature actually rose five to ten degrees, from sheer body heat. The third line, the actual security line, extended down the terminal for about fifty yards, then turned and came back. There were a lot of people, most dressed casually, in shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. There were people with children, people who spoke little or no English, people on cell phones. At about eight-thirty, TSA security guards began asking if anyone had a nine o’clock departure time. Those who did, those who hadn’t bothered to be on time, much less early, were ushered to the front of the line so as not to miss their flights. Those of us who had come early simply waited longer. This line took just over an hour.

After finally passing through the pretend security check, we walked through the terminal looking for someplace decent to have breakfast. There was only a long line of McDonald’s-class, fast-food outlets; some were doubtless better than others, but they were all essentially McDonald’s. We ate as little as possible and bought snacks for the flight, as the airlines no longer serve actual food.

The plane is boarded in groups, ass-backwards, with those in seated in front going first, followed by those seated in back. The result, of course, is that those who board first completely block the aisle as they stow their carry-ons and get settled, while those who board afterward must simply wait, adding to the overall boarding time and subtracting from the overall pleasure of the flight.

The plane itself is a model of efficiency if not comfort. There are approximately thirty-five rows of six seats each in the main cabin. Each row is so close to the one in front that entering or exiting in a vertical position is simply impossible. You must lean backwards, and are forced to grab the back of the seat in front for support. Needless to say, if the person seated at the window wants to get out, the people in the middle and aisle seats must get out first. Each seat is painfully small while the aisle is perhaps wide enough for Paris Hilton, though not a normal person.

Once in flight, passengers are provided with coffee or soda; everything else is on a cash-only basis. The flight attendants are in their forties, unhappy, and generally rude. Baggage retrieval is about as efficient as can be expected, though I did notice that no one asked to see a claim check. Whatever bag you took was yours for the taking.

The return flight was identical, with one small exception. We flew on Memorial Day, so even though the flight was full, the airport was not. We breezed through all three lines in less than a quarter of an hour and were left with lots of time on our hands, which turned out to be a good thing when United decided to change departure gates . . . without telling anyone.

The lesson in all this seems painfully clear to me: The airline industry can provide good service and tight security for a certain number of passengers on a given day. When that number goes up, through bad planning or, more likely, simple greed, the result is a lack of security, a huge increase in waiting time, and the virtual abandonment of service. If United Airlines were any other kind of business they would be out of business. No one would tolerate this kind of abuse in a free market. But of course, the travel industry is not a free market because there are no viable alternatives. My personal choice is to fly as little as possible, hoping the airlines do go out of business and are replaced by something better. But then I’m just a cockeyed optimist.

a foot on either side

KFC (Kentucky Fried Clinton)

Certain political observers have noted that over the last few weeks Hillary Clinton has deliberately toned down her rhetoric, anticipating, it would seem, a win by Obama and the need to unite the Party in the fall. Not so last night. Speaking at her victory rally in Louisville, Sen. Clinton made it clear that Plan A is to stay in the race, slugging it out to the bitter end, and Plan B . . . well, if she has one she ain’t talkin’ about it.

She gave a cursory nod to Obama, saying that they “stood toe to toe in the struggle but saw eye to eye on uniting the party.” A mild over-statement, I would say. Hillary's toe is half way out the door, while Obama’s toe has reached that absolute majority of pledged delegates that, in a sane world, would give him the nomination.

Hillary continues to reframe the argument and search for new votes. Her original argument, that she was the most qualified, has given way to a new song, that elections have to be “fair.” By fair she means that the Florida and Michigan votes must be counted, despite the fact that they broke the rules and knew the consequences. She continues to claim the lead in the popular vote, though that lead is based on those Florida and Michigan votes.

In addition, Hillary is now following Geraldine Ferraro in claiming testosteronic prejudice. She whines that the boys are ganging up on her, and implores all women to join her in breaking through this last glass ceiling, as if this race were not about the survival of our country but about women's rights.

Tonight, when David Arculetta wins the big prize on American Idol, David Cook will have an opportunity to sing one final tune. Don’t cry for Cook, though; the show has given his career a rock thrust. He'll do just fine. Hillary should take a page from Cook's sheet music. Before Obama wins the big prize, she better lock in the tone of her final song.

a foot on either side

I DO

Not long ago I was about to walk into Ralphs Market when I was accosted by a petitioneer (if there is such a word). He was a black man in his mid-40s I would say, tall, neatly dressed with a business-like demeanor.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said. “Are you registered to vote?” I didn’t really want to deal with whatever his story was going to be, but I have suuuuch a guilty conscience that I admitted to being a registered voter and gave him what attention I could spare from thoughts of my shopping list. He smiled and asked if I would sign a petition to create a constitutional amendment, defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman. That got my full attention.

“You want to ban gay marriage?” I asked, a little bit surprised. He nodded, saying that the Bible called homosexuality an abomination. After a moment I smiled and said I would sign, if he would sign the petition I had in my car (I didn’t really have one) banning inter-racial marriage. Now he paused for a moment, trying to decide whether or not I was serious. “First of all,” I said, “if the Bible does say that homosexuality is an abomination, what that tells me is that there were homosexuals in biblical times just as there are now – and if there were, then God made them – and if God made them, they’re good enough for me. Second of all, what goes on in someone else’s bedroom is none of your damn business.”

By this time, steam was coming out of this guy’s ears, but fortunately for me, he must have signed a pledge not to kill anybody while he was out petitioning, ‘cause he sure looked like he wanted to kill me. Instead, he simply turned and walked away.

The California Supreme Court ruled today that no law may be passed preventing same-sex marriages in the state of California. It ruled further that any law curtailing the activities of any person on the basis of their sexual orientation was patently unconstitutional. You wouldn’t think such a law would even be necessary. You wouldn’t think that the guarantees of full citizenship would have to be reaffirmed for any law-abiding citizen. Well, better to have it in writing, I suppose.

a foot on either side

ENDORSEMENT

The endorsement of Barack Obama by former senator John Edwards has rocked the election news, at least for this 24 hour cycle. Edwards, despite his current personal wealth, brings genuine blue-collar credentials into the Obama camp, being the son of a mill worker who grew up in extreme poverty. He will also probably adds his eighteen pledged delegates to the Obama count, wiping out the twelve-delegate gain that Hillary made in West Virginia, though that isn’t automatic.

Edwards was my first choice because he was the first to identify what I consider the most serious problem facing American democracy: the control of legislation by big business and their lobbyists. He saw, long before Barack or Hillary, that the way to reduce their influence was to cut their ties to elected officials by introducing publicly funded elections.

How much weight this endorsement will carry in upcoming primaries is anyone’s guess, but if Edwards actually goes on the stump for Obama in Kentucky, that could make a huge difference. He is, after all, a southern boy.

Sen. Clinton, who has fought the good fight, would do well to start working on a gracious exit speech, as the end is nigh.

a foot on either side

SWIMMING AGAINST THE TIDE

There is a tide in the affairs of men
which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.
Ommited, all the voyage of their life
is bound in the shallows and in miseries.
We must take the current when it serves
or lose our ventures.
Wm. Shakespeare


The time has come for Hillary Clinton to quit the race. After running an extraordinary campaign and coming within a single breath of the nomination, two things are finally clear: Absent the sudden revelation of some heinous crime on the part of Sen. Obama – an unlikely event at this point – she cannot win. Sen. Obama will be the Democratic nominee, and pressing on past June 3rd can only do damage to Obama in the general election, to the Democratic Party and to the nation.

Her withdrawal is by no means be a failure. Her campaign – the money she raised, the votes she got - has proven that a woman can be elected president. This is simply not the moment. An irreversible tide is running with Obama and she would do well to swim with it. Such an act will be seen as gracious, savvy, and selfless, and will only add to her political prestige. It is also the right thing to do.